


dancing with our hands tied

by whats_up_zoya



Category: Nikolai Series - Leigh Bardugo, The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Angst, F/M, Feels, Love Confessions, Pining, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:53:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26351485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whats_up_zoya/pseuds/whats_up_zoya
Summary: nikolai pines and zoya resists.I kinda want to make a second part to this. also can u tell i like taylor swift inspired titles?
Relationships: Nikolai Lantsov/Zoya Nazyalensky
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	dancing with our hands tied

All characters belong to Leigh Bardugo

Nikolai was desperate for a sign. A sign that Zoya wasn’t remotely interested in him at all. Most days he wished she would cruelly break his heart like she’d done to so many other unlucky lovers. He hoped she’d pull him aside after a meeting one day and tell him to stop. Stop flirting, stop touching, stop staring at her like a lost puppy. If she’d told him that, he would only be too happy to get over his feelings for her. She just needed to say the word.

But every passing day grew more unbearable. He consumed every shred of attention he got from her in fear that she would stop giving it. Her smiles were like prizes and her laugh was like a drug to him. Some days he felt that his sole purpose in life was to make Zoya laugh. For the benefit of himself and others, of course. He treasured their conversations and kept them close to his heart. She understood him as well as he knew her. But if love was a fire, he felt himself getting closer to being burned every day.

And one day, the heat was too much.

Zoya leaned out on the balcony beside him, her cheeks pleasantly flushed from dancing, and possibly wine. She was looking out over the gardens below, cooling off in the summer breeze. Stars were spread against the black sky like grains of sand. And despite the scenery, Nikolai couldn’t look away from Zoya.

“Do you love me?” he asked before he could stop the words from leaving his mouth. Her head jerked towards him, eyes blinking in surprise. _Zoya? I make it a policy never to seduce anyone prettier than I am._ The words he’d said to Alina all those years ago came rushing back. They seemed useless now. His policy was in shambles.

“As a subject loves her king, your majesty.” she said. “As one of my closest friends.” Nikolai shook his head, wondering when he let the alcohol get the better of him.

“You know that’s not what I meant.” He hated the pain in his voice. The desperation. Zoya would have to be deaf or ignorant not to hear it. She didn’t answer.

“What are you doing?” she asked carefully. _I don’t know._

“Can you tell me that you don’t?” he asked. “Zoya, tell me that I don’t have a chance with you. Then I can move on. Tell me that you’d rather that we just be friends and nothing more.” She reached towards him.  
“Nikolai-”  
“I’m asking you to be ruthless. Please. Break my heart. Just do it, I can take it.” he said.

“I can’t.” she said simply. “I’m not doing this tonight. I can’t.” She turned around and left him standing outside. Despite the humidity in the air, he felt a little colder than he was before.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“You didn’t know what you were saying,” said Zoya. Even after he slept off his hangover, he still found himself chasing her. Again. She busied herself by organizing the Shu peace treaty documents. Nikolai shook his head.

“I did,” he said. “And I’m not going to say it again. But you still haven’t answered me.”

“You weren’t in the right state of mind. You had loose lips and tired eyes, I saw the whole thing.” she said. She brushed a strand of black hair over her shoulder and avoided his gaze. Frustration bubbled up inside him.

“Zoya, you don’t understand-” he said. She shot him a death glare.

“Don’t mistake my silence for ignorance, Nikolai.” she hissed. “I’m giving you a chance to fix your mistake before either of us get hurt. You may be willing to offer your heart on a platter but I am not.” Each word was a knife cutting into his skin. Her voice softened. “You’re getting married in a week. We can’t.” She sounded tired, but he kept fighting.

“Tell me that you don’t love me,” he said. “That’s all you need to say.” She turned away to stare out the window.

“I bet if you smiled at your reflection it would fall in love with you.” she said dryly. He laughed, grateful to break the tension suffocating the room.

“Of course it has.” he said with a wink. “I’m irresistible.” She laughed and he knew he was in trouble. He knew his face betrayed his thoughts because Zoya’s face fell too, if only for a second.

“Many men have begged me to tell them that I love them,”she paused. Nikolai didn’t move. “I never do, of course.” she said, turning to him, curiosity alight in her eyes. “But you’re the first one to ask me to say that I don’t love you.”

“You know me, General,” he said half heartedly. “I’m one of a kind,” he said. She hummed, as if she hadn’t really heard him.

“You and me, we’re in some sort of dance.” she said. She walked over to him and placed her hands at his waist. She started swaying them to demonstrate. “You’re a great partner, and it’s a fun dance, although it can be tedious at times.” He nodded to show that he understood. “Then my feet start to swell. You start to sweat. We stand a little too close.” She drew him near and Nikolai felt her steal his breath. _I’m in love with you._ He could see her staring up at him through thick, dark lashes. He saw every silvery embroidered thread on the blue silk of her kefta. She went on. “People start to notice that we’ve been dancing too long.” she said, letting the sentence linger. “And what if I’m tired of dancing?”

“Zoya…”

“I’m tired, Nikolai.” was all she said. Her eyes were glassy as she turned away from him. Something lurched in the depths of his heart, but it wasn’t the monster.


End file.
